What was your favorite ballpark?
-Ben A.
Justin: You told us you wanted to win the barbecue sauce ... and that was the most original question you could muster?
The best park is Wrigley Field in Chicago. At Wrigley, it's all about the baseball. No silly contests or shirt cannons. No gimmicks on the Jumbotron. No Jumbotron, period.
Runner-up is PNC Park in Pittsburgh, with a great view and fantastic design. Honorable mention goes to Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, the friendliest park I've seen.
By the way, I'm not sure why the best parks house the worst teams. The Pirates haven't had a win winning season since 1992. The Royals haven't made the playoffs since 1985. The Cubs haven't won the World Series in my lifetime, your lifetime, or Betty White's lifetime.
 |
| Just like it looked in 1908 ... with the same number of World Series banners |
Objectively, Wrigley Field. Attending a game here feels like you’re on the set of Field of Dreams. Beyond its anachronistic coolness, Wrigely offers the best pre and post-game vibe. Bar, upon bar, upon bar adorn Clark Street outside the stadium. What makes the scene that much more fun is the fact that the Cubs play virtually all of their home games during the day (it was only the late 1980s when they decided to bring in portable lights for a rare night game). People enjoy lunch and lots of beer before the game and then continue the party once inside the stadium. But at that point it’s happy hour at all those bars along Clark. How Chicago has any sort of profitable economy is beyond me.
How do you find these people?? I'm still marveling at the guy on the airplane who wouldn't put on his seatbelt. He obviously made it through all of the indignities of checking in and going through airport security, taking off his shoes and belt, placing his laptop inside a separate bin, removing all liquid items, etc., yet buckling a seatbelt was too much? I mean, good for you getting that exit row seat, but wow. Was the flight attendant on Candid Camera?
-Jessica H.
Justin: How do we find these people? I'm not sure. Good luck?
Ari: Good looks.
-Ben L.
Dude, which city had the hottest girls?
-Calvin L.
Which city had the best looking men?
-Michael S.
Ari: Well, we weren’t doing a road trip of baseball stadiums in Sweden or Croatia, so the answer is unequivocally New York. But the more pressing question is, why are people in Middle America so ugly? I could use their chubby fingers to count on one hand how many attractive people we saw in cities not known for either their wind or their clam chowder. To be fair, pretty people were in far greater supply at baseball games…assuming you’re not counting Progressive Field. Yet again, Cleveland proved itself to be the worst.
What was the second best meal of the trip?
-Everyone who's ever been to Oklahoma Joe's BBQ
Justin: The burgers at Sobelman's (Milwaukee) and Village Whiskey (Philadelphia) were superb. I love Lou Malnati's pizza (Chicago). The sandwiches from Faicco's (New York) merit recognition. But second place belongs to Slow's BBQ in Detroit.
 |
| Second Place: Slow's BBQ |
 |
| First place: Oklahoma Joe's |
Who would win in a pizza eating contest between the Bernstein Brothers and two of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? (One of the two would obviously be Michelangelo.)
-Shima G.
Justin: Let's establish some ground rules. Michelangelo's partner will be Leonardo. (Every team needs a leader.) We'll go with thin crust pizza rather than Chicago-style deep dish. (The Ninja Turtles are from the sewers of New York, so they're probably more familiar with thin crust.) And each team chooses its own toppings. (Research reveals that Michelangelo likes strange combinations, such as chocolate sprinkles and clam sauce, or guacamole and marshmallows.) So who would win?
Here's the argument for the Ninja Turtles. (1) They train hard, which probably creates a big appetite. (2) This isn't a burger-eating competition or an ice cream-eating contest. This is about pizza, and the Ninja Turtles love pizza. (3) They are mutants. I can't back this up with hard data, but I believe that, all things being equal, mutants probably eat more food than non-mutants.
Ultimately, though, the evidence is on our side. (1) You've seen the photos from our trip. We can eat a lot. (2) The Ninja Turtles are surprisingly small:
In both the cartoons and the movies, April O'Neil towers over them. Actress Judith Hoag portrayed April, and the Internet says she stands 5 feet, 7 inches. Based on these images, that makes the Turtles about 5'4''. Sure, they're pretty thick, but a lot of that is just shell. (3) Take a look at this damning photograph:
After the trip you're told that for the rest of your life you can only eat one food item, visit one baseball stadium, and watch only 2 teams. Your answer must only come from food you ate, stadiums you visited and teams you watched during this trip. How would you answer?
-Shima G.
Justin: We want to watch our favorite team in the optimal position: at home against the worst possible opponent. That leaves only one choice. We would watch the Atlanta Braves host the Chicago Cubs at Turner Field in Atlanta ... while eating Oklahoma Joe's.
Does sleeping with one of the judges help my chances at winning the BBQ sauce?
-Shima G.
Justin: Absolutely not.
Ari: It's possible.
What was the theme
song of your trip?
-Cast of Cheers
-Cast of Cheers
Ari: “Some Nights,” by Fun.
We purchased an external Sirius XM radio for the Focus, but that experiment
quickly failed. For the first few cities
the problem was that the device’s maximum sound level barely eclipsed casual
conversation. (Justin, of course did not mind this. Wet, meet blanket.) Then Sirius put himself out of his misery when
he decided to cease all functionality.
So we were stuck with local radio stations for almost the entirety of
our trip. While the cities changed, the
Top 20s did not. We grew tired of the
incessant plays of the current Maroon 5, Flo Rida, and Bieber hits, but for
some reason we both embraced “Some Nights.”
It also helped that the song had some sentimental value: At Busch Stadium in
St. Louis “Some Nights” accompanied a video of local Cardinal fans celebrating
the team’s World Series victory last year.
As much as I resent the Cardinals – they edged the Braves for the final
playoff spot – this video is amazing:
Why did you choose those pictures of me in funny sunglasses and ugly hats? Can you please use some more flattering photos?-Neil T.
Ari: Sure thing.
Justin: No problem at all.
 |
| Swami Neil |
 |
| Saturday Night Neil |
 |
| Cultural Neil |
 |
| Auntie Neil |
 | ||
Road Trip Neil
|
 |
| Aladdin Neil |
What's the best story from the trip that didn't make it into the blog?
-Anita C.
Justin: Excellent question. Unfortunately, I'm sworn to secrecy. All I can say is that it involved actress Michelle Monaghan, a wager, and a horrible mistake.
Ari: Mama Deeeeeeeeee!
Whom did you meet
who would have made the best road trip buddy?
Ari: Sorry, Z. Despite Justin's fervent requests, sandwiches are not eligible for this honor. Our choice is Peggy, the bartender from Sobelman’s in
Milwaukee. She could simultaneously
function as our drinking buddy and
our designated driver.
 |
- Marissa O.
Ari: Never seen 'em before.
Justin: I think they went that way...
What was the biggest mistake you guys made during the trip?
-Drew C.
Ari: You mean other than stopping in Cleveland?
What character from a film or tv show best represents each of you on the trip?
-Aaron O.
Ari: Aaron O. is Aaron Orozco. It's been a great year for the Orozco family. Aaron's sister Andrea just had her first child, Jackson (named after Jack Bauer). Aaron recently had his first child, Dylan (not named after Jack Bauer). But the happiest moment for the Orozco family is winning the bottle of Oklahoma Joe's barbecue sauce! Great question, Aaron.
Justin: Yeah, great question. Succinct, original, and perfect for self-aggrandizement.
Ari: I think Justin was a combination of three fictional characters:
- He was part the mom from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape because he pretty much ate her weight.
- He was part the guy Jamie Foxx played in Ray because he was so bad at navigating and so disoriented as to where we were, he might as well have been blind.
- He was part Zach Morris. Because I’m pretty sure their cell phones were made during the same year.
Justin: Ari was half Red from The Shawshank Redemption because of his ability to sneak contraband past security. And he was half Ferris Bueller: he traveled with his brunette girlfriend and a tall guy, misbehaved constantly, and somehow managed to stay out of any serious trouble.
Any parting thoughts?
-Justin B. and Ari B.
Justin and Ari: First, some free advice. When a police officer detains you for drinking in public, stop drinking. When the Ford Focus states your "Distance to E," have a backup plan. When the flight attendant asks you to buckle your seatbelt, it's probably a good idea.
Second, thank you for reading. Blogger.com says our musings drew more than 2,000 pageviews; we estimate that no more than 75 percent came from our mother. We appreciate all the questions, comments, and restaurant suggestions. Until our next adventure...
